he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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