i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
