Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
