Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
