Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
