I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize