All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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