You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Terrible idea I love it
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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