I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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