My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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