Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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