so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
