i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
