You just made me feel so damn special
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
