Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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