Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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