I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
