Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
