dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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