i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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