You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she smelled like a LAN party
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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