How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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