His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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