Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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