He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
