This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
