puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
