it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
