New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
