it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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