Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
