Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
