There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
