Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
