i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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