Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
