note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
