You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
