I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
