she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
