not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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