Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
