who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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