I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
