So drunk its hurt
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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