My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
