just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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