i always forget guys have bellybuttons
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
