My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
