he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
