This is not my ceiling
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
