So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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