So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
