i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
