Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
How's work?
Spinning.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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