and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
