is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
