We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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