My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
