Christians are straight up FREAKS
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
