this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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