So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
