It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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