Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
