Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
