why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
