Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
