I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
